Victor: this is a problem. How do you reason with people who use/think emotion is as viable a basis for a decision as is reason. The answer is that 'you don't'. Don't reason with them because they cannot, do not 'engage' with them in conversation, do not get 'baited' into 'discussing' the issue with them.
Just think of that idiot from Fargo, ND who called into the local radio station about the placement of deer crossing signs and why they should be placed elsewhere because they tell the deer it is ok to cross into heavy traffic in those areas. Now this woman has sufferred 3 deer/vehicle accidents and she blames the location of the deer crossing signs - go figure.
You cannot engage someone like that in a serious, rationally based debate. Their minds simply cannot grasp the correct concepts and they are mentally incapable of thinking properly. This can be either a true mental disability that either verges on schizophrenia or a purposeful intent to aggravate and bully (also a mental disability); both can be dealt with by psychology or psychiatry, depending on the severity of the disability.
Some people use the 'emotional' tactic intentionally, knowing it will rile their opponent or derail their line of thought. Do not engage these people unless you can use a baseball bat, legally, to correct their thinking. Some use this tactic intentionally: sort of like 'if you really loved me you wouldn't think like that' - there ya go, derailed again. Or, if I knew you were the kind of man who thought like that I would never have married you - you're sleeping on the couch tonight (no ya don't, you kick her butt outta bed and she sleeps on the couch tonight, or while she is laying in bed waiting for 'the apology', you just yank the covers off and take them with you to the couch...). However, any time it gets physical it serves as grounds for divorce. If she really loved you she wouldn't think like that. Don't bother putting or trying to put the shoes on the other foot during a arguement,just settle it with the last word - well, if that's the way you want it then tomorrow after I/you spend the night on the couch I will see the lawyer about a divorce. If the last word from their mouths is 'fine', then just go with it and once you are free of the burden, use it as a learning experience.
One thing to understand is that when it comes to bullies and mules, they never change. If a bully thinks he/she can bully you into his/her thought camp, they will bully you into doing what they want you to do for the rest of their lives and you shouldn't be forced to live like that. Mules are smart, smarter than horses, but stubborn and that never changes. If you have to fight/deal with 'stubborn' for the rest of your life, divorce it - living with it is not living.
While it is true that some people need a baseball bat across the mouth to learn when to keep it shut, the thought of seeing someone you love or have loved with a bloody and toothless mouth is not pleasant, although some thoughts like that often give us comfort. That may well be why the taliban and islamists demand their women wear veils, on accounta they have used the baseball bat before. Some people never change.
And it doesn't really matter how long you may have been married, it is never too late for a divorce and you will know that if that person ever reads some of these posts - the next statement out of their (still toothed, I might add) mouthes would be something like - you wouldn't dare to even think of divorcing me (now how's that for letting someone know how frightened of divorce and having to support themselves all alone someone is....).
Lots of guys have to deal with stuff like emotion vs reason and unless you are a heart attack waiting to happen (and hoping for a long legged beautiful nurse) I would get rid of the stress. Don't fall into the trap and don't let it bait you. You can always walk away and let it talk to itself, or maybe you had best learn how to walk away from it. And if it picks up again, walk away again. Don't be as stupid as it wants you to be.
Abuse comes in many forms and once a abuser has determined which form is most effective they will continue to use it. jmtcw.
