Author Topic: Alaskans Will find this funny (Read 1252 times)

Sourdough · « **on:** September 22, 2009, 11:35:06 AM »

The rest of you guys will have to have some things explained.

You might be a Redneck Alaskan Guy if……..

You are vacationing in Hawaii when a beautiful woman in a bikini walks by and you think, "Boy! I'd sure like to see her in a snowmachine suit."

You can see the road through the floorboard of your pickup truck.

You have ever called an 800 number you found in a catalog and then were told, "Alaska? Oh, we don't ship to foreign countries.”
Yes this really does happen. Or they think we are Arkansas

You have ever put up with the pain of a toothache until the Permanent Fund checks come out.

You have ever worn a tie with waders.

You have learned to never say to your kids, "Be home by dark."
Sky got his mother on this one.

You know bunny boots aren't worn by bunnies or made out of bunnies.

You take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists.

You know that the term "breakup" has more to do with the weather than personal relationships.

Your monthly Alascom phone bill is larger than your trailer payment.

You don't know anyone that doesn't own a 4-wheeler.

You are driving down the road and your wife, instead of saying, "Darling, please watch for the next service station," says, "Pull Over, I’ve gotta pee”

You have ever washed your car while there was still snow on the ground.

You have more recipes on how to cook salmon than you have salmon.

You keep a roll of toilet paper behind the truck seat.

You know that "Rat-net" is not a rodent catching device.
Rat-net is the TV service out in the bush (remote villages)

You know the Naknek twitch is an illegal fishing technique, not a spasmodic muscle in your neck.
Used to snag fish

You learned to swim indoors.

You leave your Christmas lights up, year round, because as soon as it gets warm enough to take them down it starts getting cold again.

Your bedroom windows are covered with aluminum foil.

Your monthly veterinarian bill is more than your own medical bills.

You ever drove a highway in which you had to prove you had money.
We have to prove to the Canadian officials we have enough money to get through Canada.

You think it's normal for a town to put all the businesses on one side of the road.

If any farther explinations are needed just say so. Rog

-Shaggy- · « **Reply #1 on:** September 22, 2009, 12:44:10 PM »

"You think it's normal for a town to put all the businesses on one side of the road"

What's on the other side of the road?

Slowhanddd · « **Reply #2 on:** September 22, 2009, 01:40:38 PM »

Probably Snow piles?

??Slow

Casull · « **Reply #3 on:** September 22, 2009, 01:40:46 PM »

Is that where the snow gets plowed? Ooops, someone beat me to it.

DennisB · « **Reply #4 on:** September 22, 2009, 01:44:14 PM »

Ah yes, the foil on the bedroom windows.
And breakup. Getting the Winne stuck in the rotten snow pack near Sterling Highway when I couldn't wait for breakup. Afterbite. Skin So Soft. Rondy pins. Gettin' homesick here...

Questor · « **Reply #5 on:** September 22, 2009, 01:45:58 PM »

Redneck Minnesotans fit much of that too.

How do you identify the prosperous Minnesota redneck? He's got TWO junked snow mobiles in his side yard.

Old Fart · « **Reply #6 on:** September 22, 2009, 02:02:53 PM »

Those are great. Some of those hold true down here in Oklahoma......

You take off your shirt and your arms are as pale as your legs all the way to your wrists.
We call that a farmers tan.

hunt-m-up · « **Reply #7 on:** September 22, 2009, 11:40:18 PM »

Quote from: Questor on September 22, 2009, 01:45:58 PM

Redneck Minnesotans fit much of that too.

How do you identify the prosperous Minnesota redneck? He's got TWO junked snow mobiles in his side yard.

I always marvelled at the shiny new "sleds" sitting outside the $10K houses up in the Iron Range.

williamlayton · « **Reply #8 on:** September 23, 2009, 01:21:28 AM »

I thunk it was a law that you had too carry a roll of toilet paper in a truck! $:-\$

Blessings

BBF · « **Reply #9 on:** September 25, 2009, 10:14:39 AM »

See, I told you all that we don't just let anybody come to Canada. You gotta have some coins in you pocket.

hillbill · « **Reply #10 on:** September 25, 2009, 02:45:11 PM »

id like to go to canada, if i show up with 5k in american mony in my pocket wiill they let me in?or does it take more?

mechanic · « **Reply #11 on:** September 25, 2009, 03:52:57 PM »

Quote from: williamlayton on September 23, 2009, 01:21:28 AM

I thunk it was a law that you had too carry a roll of toilet paper in a truck! $:-\$
Blessings

You mean it isn't?

oldandslow · « **Reply #12 on:** September 25, 2009, 03:58:01 PM »

The 800 number deal applies down here in New Mexico also. In fact, New Mexico Magazine has a page devoted to that subject every month.

I carry toilet paper in the car and truck all the time. Sometimes it's a long way between bushes too.

mechanic · « **Reply #13 on:** September 25, 2009, 04:13:45 PM »

In Ga. in the semi dark, you do not want to pull a handful of leaves. I carry toilet paper everywhere. One of my pet peeves. Don't ask me how I know.

ihookem · « **Reply #14 on:** September 25, 2009, 04:27:58 PM »

And they are ussually missing a few teeth.

Sourdough · « **Reply #15 on:** September 25, 2009, 06:16:23 PM »

Hillbil: When you cross into Canada, the Canadian customs ask why you are visiting Canada. If you say you are going to Alaska, they then have a whole bunch of new questions they will ask you. One of them is how much money and Credit Cards do you have on your person. Can not remember the amount, but we have to have so much for the driver and vehicle, then an extra amount for every rider. They are real strict about that too. They want to make sure you have enough money to get through Canada, if you should have vehicle problems.

Brett · « **Reply #16 on:** September 26, 2009, 05:29:38 AM »

Quote from: Sourdough on September 25, 2009, 06:16:23 PM

Hillbil: When you cross into Canada, the Canadian customs ask why you are visiting Canada. If you say you are going to Alaska, they then have a whole bunch of new questions they will ask you. One of them is how much money and Credit Cards do you have on your person. Can not remember the amount, but we have to have so much for the driver and vehicle, then an extra amount for every rider. They are real strict about that too. They want to make sure you have enough money to get through Canada, if you should have vehicle problems.

So Rog', What happens if the Canadian officials determine that you don't have enough $$, do they turn you around and send you away?.

That sure beats the US policy of the poorer the better. "Come on in stay a while, collect some Wellfare and free hand outs while your here. Better yet have an anchor baby while your here so we can never boot your sorry @$$ out."'.

gstewart44 · « **Reply #17 on:** September 26, 2009, 05:40:29 AM »

Quote from: mechanic on September 25, 2009, 04:13:45 PM

In Ga. in the semi dark, you do not want to pull a handful of leaves. I carry toilet paper everywhere. One of my pet peeves. Don't ask me how I know.

reminds me of my not so bright cousin that "had to go" one night. didn't have TP....he said no problem I'll just use leaves. Well he grabbed a handful of leaves in the dark. At least one of them was a poison ivy leaf. Needless to say he was miserable for a couple of weeks.......

BBF · « **Reply #18 on:** September 26, 2009, 05:42:01 AM »

hillbill"
If you make it across the border by Monday morning your US 5K's are worth Can$ 5325. I'm sure they would let you stay for a while.

pastorp · « **Reply #19 on:** September 26, 2009, 06:00:52 AM »

Sourdough, I've driven the Alcan as well as down from Prince Rupert and never had to prove how much money I had. Guess I just look rich.

Fact is I don't ever remember money being mentioned. They ask where your going and how long you will be in their country and do you have any guns.

I usually have more trouble getting back into the US. Than into Canada.

Reguards,

Sourdough · « **Reply #20 on:** September 26, 2009, 09:04:35 AM »

Maybe it's because I have Alaska Plates, but they always ask that question. And Yes if you don't have the money they do refuse you entry into Canada. It's always X amount of cash, or Y amount of cash and two credit cards. Once while crossing I had the Y amount of cash and one credit card in my wallet. The wife had taken the other one and gone shopping in Seattle and had not given it back to me. She had stuck it in her shopping bag and it was in the camper. They held us there till she found it. If she had not found it they would not have let us into Canada, period. Canada does not seem to like Alaskans, they are always trying to make us jump through hoops.

BBF · « **Reply #21 on:** September 26, 2009, 10:33:41 AM »

sourdough:
I'm sorry to hear that. If I had connections to high places I'd put in a real "bitch" for you.

pastorp · « **Reply #22 on:** September 26, 2009, 10:51:26 AM »

Not to argue Sourdough, but I have Alaska plates. Remember southeast is Alaska too.

Maybe I just lucked out everytime I cross the border.

Regards,

Doug B. · « **Reply #23 on:** September 26, 2009, 02:01:33 PM »

Quote from: gstewart44 on September 26, 2009, 05:40:29 AM

Quote from: mechanic on September 25, 2009, 04:13:45 PM
In Ga. in the semi dark, you do not want to pull a handful of leaves. I carry toilet paper everywhere. One of my pet peeves. Don't ask me how I know.

reminds me of my not so bright cousin that "had to go" one night. didn't have TP....he said no problem I'll just use leaves. Well he grabbed a handful of leaves in the dark. At least one of them was a poison ivy leaf. Needless to say he was miserable for a couple of weeks.......

There IS a reason that a buddy of mine is nicknamed "Strawberry". He has been known by that name for about 35 years!

Sourdough · « **Reply #24 on:** September 26, 2009, 05:47:53 PM »

Pastprp: Where in the Seattle suburbs, uh I mean in South Eastern do you live?

Oh no offense, just had to rattle your chain. When you drive do you go all the way to Haines, or Prince Rupert? That may be the difference. That along with the military sticker on my windshield.

I know so many people that have moved here from South Eastern, and I have learned to really rattle their cage just just say "South Eastern that's not part of Alaska, that's the Seattle Suburbs". Man they go right off the deep end. Then later call them Seattle Suburbanites, boy I can really get them riled up.

pastorp · « **Reply #25 on:** September 26, 2009, 06:49:12 PM »

I ferry to Prince Rupert. Sometimes I cross over near seattle and sometimes montana. I live in Metlakatla. It's a 6 hr ferry ride to Rupert. I have driven the alcan but it's been a few years.

Actually I don't like Seattle at all, only good for changing planes at to go somewhere else.

Guess I've just been fortunate.

Regards,

slim rem 7 · « **Reply #26 on:** September 26, 2009, 09:06:09 PM »

pastorp,,,you mean if i went to alaska they would not let me take a 50 caliber hunting rifle...
don t they know theys grizzilies up in them woods..

...funny or not i aint going if i can t take a cannon...
i ain t going nowhere that some hairy giant ,,,just might reach out an slap my truck off the rd,,just cause hes bored..slim,,, red neck american guy

Sourdough · « **Reply #27 on:** September 27, 2009, 12:13:50 AM »

Many of the people in Fairbanks feel that the people in southeastern and Anchorage have nothing in common with the rest of Alaska. Especially, northern Alaska. They say everything south and east of the Alaska range should be separated into their own state. And make a new state from the rest. The Interior, Western Alaska, and the North Slope.

By the way, it's snowing right now. Where are my Bunny Boots?

pastorp · « **Reply #28 on:** September 28, 2009, 05:44:29 AM »

Slim, you can travel through canada with a rifle or shotgun just not a handgun. We used to just show them at the border, now you need some papper work and you pay a fee. Yes there are bears but they don't cause as much trouble as everyone thinks they do.

Sourdough, I did live in Emmonack for a while, can I be a Alaskan now? I've even drank water from the Yukon river. Stuck my foot in the artic ocean. I may have been a few places in Alaska you haven't been.

I may even qualify as a sourdough.

Blessings,

Sourdough · « **Reply #29 on:** September 28, 2009, 06:41:08 AM »

Yea, come on up and visit. With your qualifications you can even stay a while.

Had an aquatence named Butch Hayes that lived in a cabin up the Salcha River for many years. Butch and his wife got tired of being so isolated during the winter, sold out and moved down to South Eastern somewhere. Butch was a very interesting person. If you ever meet him tell him Rog and Michelle (Sarge and Little Sarge) says HI.