Author Topic: Getting separated (Read 1688 times)

goodwrench6710 · « **on:** August 29, 2007, 01:14:43 PM »

Things at my house haven't been good for a long time. Last night we had a talk because I couldn't stand the tension between us. I asked if we could do some counseling & she said she wants to be separated. The bad thing is I am going to be staying with my dad. He has no phone, cable, etc.... I won't have internet except at work & I'll have to try to sneak a post in here & there. Just wanted to let you guys know, I didn't fall off the face of the earth.

Larry

darat100 · « **Reply #1 on:** August 29, 2007, 01:21:25 PM »

Larry

Really sorry to hear about you and the misses. Must be a really tough thing to go through. We will put in a prayer for you.

quickdtoo · « **Reply #2 on:** August 29, 2007, 01:24:38 PM »

Sorry to hear that, but hang in there, it's not the end of the world, I know, been there twice.

Staying close to your friends is one of the important points in your life at this time, so it would be good if you can arrange for a phone install at Dad's, then your link to the fellowship here won't be broken.

Hope it works out for you, prayers on the way.

Tim

dw06 · « **Reply #3 on:** August 29, 2007, 02:13:55 PM »

Larry,
Sorry to hear that,hope everything works out for you.I just had a brother move in two weeks ago after separating from his wife.But like Quick said maybe install a phone at pops place.Take care.

rbergum95 · « **Reply #4 on:** August 29, 2007, 03:04:02 PM »

keep the faith. i have known a few people who have gone through the same thing and in the end most worked out their differences. keep talking, keep trying. i wish you all the best.

canon6 · « **Reply #5 on:** August 29, 2007, 03:18:36 PM »

Been there done that, keep the faith things will get better . Doug

goodwrench6710 · « **Reply #6 on:** August 29, 2007, 03:42:37 PM »

Thanks for your support. It's good to have friends, even if we aren't face to face.

whiskey101 · « **Reply #7 on:** August 29, 2007, 03:48:26 PM »

Hoping for the best for you. I got moved out a couple years ago. It took us about 3 months to remember why we got married and things have been better ever since. I sure hope things work out well for you.

MSP Ret · « **Reply #8 on:** August 29, 2007, 03:51:47 PM »

Best of luck Larry, things will get better with time, one way or another. Try stopping in a the local library for some computer time and keep in touch, we are all here for you buddy. My prayers are with you both....<><....

Fazak · « **Reply #9 on:** August 29, 2007, 03:52:16 PM »

Pretty much evahbuddy goes through "the correction".

Don't let it eat at ya,... it's just a part of life.

DalesCarpentry · « **Reply #10 on:** August 29, 2007, 04:00:17 PM »

Larry we talked about this earlier. Things will work out. They always do. You got my phone number call anytime you need to talk to someone. I have been through this myself. Your buddy Dale

goodwrench6710 · « **Reply #11 on:** August 29, 2007, 04:03:28 PM »

I'll still get to post here & there from the Toyota scan tool for the cars. It has a wireless connection & is a hardbook.

Most importantly is my gratitude for the support all of you are giving me.

georgeld · « **Reply #12 on:** August 29, 2007, 06:42:36 PM »

Good luck and hang in there Larry.

Did that the first go round, second one died. That's even harder.
Two yrs of hell, but, got over it and getting on with life now.

IF you need to, go talk to someone. IF you're a vet, go see the VA.
They've got lot's of that kind of help too.

Main thing, don't fight it too long. Figure things out what's best and
make the choice. Very seldom I've seen/heard seperations working for
the better. Most times it's better to go ahead and throw in the towel.
Especially if you've been fighting it for a long time. Just get it over with
and get started down the trail for better life for all of you.

Best wishes,

George

Graybeard · « **Reply #13 on:** August 29, 2007, 06:57:06 PM »

Til death do us part gist don't seem to mean the same thing today it once did. September will be 42 years fer me and Mrs. GB.

They say it takes two to tango and I reckon it does. It also takes two to make a marriage and unless both want it to work it just ain't gonna. I've seen first hand what marriage gone wrong do but also seen what divorce does to the kids. Neither is pretty and it seems to me adults who really love their kids should make a major effort to make it work for them. I reckon I just don't see the world the way most do these days.

Matt has gone thru three already and the eldest son Bob is on his second. All but one of Mrs. GB's siblings have gotten at least one divorce.

Since I'm still with my first I can't offer too much advice on coping but I can say that there are gonna be rought times in all marriages and it's the job of both of you with kids in the mix to make it work for their sake. Not just stay together but MAKE IT WORK. If both aren't comitted to that then I reckon a divorce might be better. But it's one hell of a piss poor way to bring up kids.

EVOC ONE · « **Reply #14 on:** August 29, 2007, 10:40:05 PM »

Counseling is a good thing, but both have to want to do it and put forth the effort. Don't forget the church. You'll find support and often a message that seems to be appropriate for the moment.

PartsMan · « **Reply #15 on:** August 30, 2007, 04:03:55 AM »

Quote from: goodwrench6710 on August 29, 2007, 01:14:43 PM

The bad thing is I am going to be staying with my dad. He has no phone, cable, etc.... I won't have internet

That sounds like the perfect place to gather your thoughts.
When things quit making sense in my life I go run my dads tractor for a couple of days.

That's to bad. Good luck figuring things out.

Sourdough · « **Reply #16 on:** August 30, 2007, 07:20:17 AM »

I know it don't mean much coming from other folks, cause your the one going through it. But some of use have been there, so don't let it get you down. It's not fun when they lock you up and take away your clothes. When my first wife and I seperated I let it get to me to that point. I finally realised the relationship was not worth my sanity, and I got over it. Was a bit more careful the second time around, I was sort of gunshy. She is the best thing that ever happened to me, we been togeather over 30 years now. She is also my best hunting partner. And yes, I have been to the Ballet. It's give and take on both sides.

jwv · « **Reply #17 on:** August 30, 2007, 08:55:21 AM »

Larry, Your going through some real hard times. I believe everyone here is praying for you and your family.I can't say much more then whats already been said.You have probably went that extra mile, but you may have to go alot more.Like Bill said if you have kids they are more important then you or your wife.I believe you and your wife can make it through this time in your marriage.Keep praying and do whats right it will work out for you and your wife. Jack

PartsMan · « **Reply #18 on:** August 30, 2007, 09:46:46 AM »

I hope you can work things out but don't just put up with her for the kids sake.
My parents split up soon after I was born.
I have two older sisters and we all turned out fine.
We all have good jobs, own homes, have kids, and wonderful spouses.
In fact if it were not for my step mom and step dad I wouldn't be near the person I am.
All I am saying is 2 good homes are sometimes better than 1 bad home.

jwv · « **Reply #19 on:** August 30, 2007, 11:25:35 AM »

I guess I'm old fashioned about family's with kids and I have seen more kids hurt by the parents not working it out and getting a divorce.To me it's more about the children then it is about the parents. Divorce has become an easy way out for to many couples and the kids pay for it. Divorce might work for some but not all. Hang in there Larry, Jack

Mitch in MI · « **Reply #20 on:** August 30, 2007, 12:21:30 PM »

If this results in divorce, are you in a state where you can be penalized for 'abandoning the marital household'?

gomerdog · « **Reply #21 on:** August 30, 2007, 05:29:50 PM »

I am hopeful for you for two reasons:
1) You are willing to seek marriage counseling, which shows you still care and are willing to make the situation better.
2) In your original post you did not insult, demean, or otherwise bad-mouth your wife, which shows you not only respect her, but also yourself.

Regardless of how this turns out, you have demonstrated character and I feel you will continue to do so. Keep your head up and work through each day as well as you can.

.308 Win. · « **Reply #22 on:** August 30, 2007, 06:17:51 PM »

I went through this once. I really didn't realize it at the time because I loved my wife so much but our divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. Why? No more nose to nose arguments, I raised my son in my home by myself and didn't marry again for quite a few years which allowed me to dedicate myself to the most important thing in my life and that was my child. Later on, I met the woman who is now my second wife and for me, there could not be anyone more perfect.

In addition to my first marriage, I witnessed what it was like to live in a home when my parents had absolutely NO business staying together. The idea was to stay together for the kids but it was us kids who had to bear the burden of their unhappiness. There is an old saying, "When elephants fight it's the grass that gets trampled." In most cases when "adults" don't get along, whether married or divorced, it's the children that are hurt the most.

Whatever you all decide to do, if you have children, always make them the number one priority. They need to know a divorce isn't their fault. As everyone else has said, I will pray for you both as well. I know God doesn't like divorce but I also don't believe He wants us to be miserable, either. I know it's hard but try to just find some inner peace and try to relax. Whatever will be will be.

cascadedad · « **Reply #23 on:** August 30, 2007, 08:38:03 PM »

Keep your head up and hang in there.

I don't know you at all, so I am not insinuating anything here, but I have some advise that is different from others. As was said before, it takes two to tango. I recommend you take a good, long, hard look at yourself. Is there something that you need to change that you have been unwilling to do?

My wife's best friend booted her husband out about a year ago. He had some MAJOR issues in his life he refused to deal with. She filed for divorce and they were well on the way. Personally, I thought they were finished. They scrapped the divorce and got back together a couple months ago. I was VERY skeptical that his changes were sincere and really thought she was making a mistake. I am happy to say, at least at this time, things appear to be going very well for them. I give him HUGE credit for how far he has come. His problems could have easily been labeled as addictions and therefore somehow "not his fault". But, ultimately, he was putting these things in front of his wife and two kids and he almost lost them.

Again, I am not suggesting this is you, just suggesting that you take a look inside. There is hope.

I too will send up prayers for you and your wife.

God Bless you both.

Cdad

carp · « **Reply #24 on:** September 01, 2007, 03:34:36 AM »

There is nothing in life that you can't overcome. It may hurt you forever in some ways but you can work through it. Keep your head up.

Ditchdigger · « **Reply #25 on:** September 01, 2007, 10:22:40 AM »

I think if my wife left me after 40 something yrs.,I'd go buy a lottery ticket. Because with a string of luck going like that,I could'nt lose.

Now day's we're both so old that we forget what we're argureing about before we end it.

Hang in there. Digger

Ireload2 · « **Reply #26 on:** September 01, 2007, 10:47:39 AM »

Nothing is worse than throwing away 40 years with the wrong person.

shaner · « **Reply #27 on:** September 01, 2007, 10:53:33 AM »

well i been there twice an each time it seemed to be for the best, if thats what it takes then do it but ill tell ya dont look back to much cause if shes already made up her mind as most women do , shes g ot a plan wont say for sure ,but when women come right out an say they want a saparation or divorce whatever they have usually thought it out an have a plan , something i didnt read in here was this , wheather you love her or not protect your ass women have a habit of deciding what yu have is her's whats hers is her's and anything else she just thinks she might want later is her's , gaurd your checking account an credit cards, this is from one who knows ,last one stuck me with about18,ooo in credit card debit and if she uses it an its in your name , buddy its your problem , not tryin to be harsh here , but alot of guys while they are sittin back separated and hopin things work out end up gettin one stuck to them , and then its to late had 4yrs in the first one , and 24yrs in the second one

Dave Allen · « **Reply #28 on:** September 01, 2007, 08:27:19 PM »

larry...i would say put yourself back-together the best you can....if at all possable try to work this out...i know it's hard to stay together when your not getting along...i can only imagine what it's like to get divorced...i am coming up on my 16th anniversary next friday...this is my 1st wife...could be another who know's ?? i will tell ya...it's one hell of a ride...we have been on the edge of seperation more time's than i care to mention...we love each other so somehow we make it ??.. life is just tough...i suggest that you just do the best you can...sometime's that's all ya can do...

georgeld · « **Reply #29 on:** September 01, 2007, 09:07:07 PM »

I'll take a second pass at this. Don't look like he's been back yet.

My folks stuck it out 'for us kids', too bad they didn't go ahead and split and stay split. Yrs after we were gone, they did for a couple yrs, by then they couldn't live without each other and remarried. 65 yrs so far, Dad'll be 90 if he makes it til Feb, Mom's alz and in a n/h now, he spends 2-3 nights in there with her. They both need it.

My first one lasted over 7 yrs, three kids. Constant lies and battles, I was a long haul trucker. Kids were calling the other guy Daddy. I jumped out and joined the Army. Best thing I ever did. Four yr after that. married the second one. Wonderful for the majority of it. About 5 yrs from the end she started what Shaner said. Cost me about 80 grand and nearly cost my home too. She gave her half away to her dau, the car, savings ,cards, rental house, everything we had in our home too. When I learned about it and protested. They kicked me out of my own home. Never even talked to her the last month she was alive. Three days after she died, two of them in court the judge told the girl to give me the keys and don't come back. Cost me $13,000 for lawyer that didn't do much good, still lost the rental house nextdoor I'd worked on over 20yrs, never got anything back she took out, stripped it to the walls. But, three yrs later I finally got her name off my home and am gradually replacing things. That was 18 days short of 29yrs. I raised her two from 12 & 14, and got the working over.

I'm a radical SOB anyway, But, there'll damn sure never ever be any Co owner nothing in my life again. She gave her share of everything to the step dau and wasn't a damned thing I could do about it. That made the girl co owner of everything I had. Cops told her and me she could take it all and I couldn't say crap about it. Shaner and I both recommend you protect yourself everyway you possibly can. Best of luck, no matter what you decide.

George